Sexy Lexy here…
One of the unfortunate things about doing the morning shift is that at times you become the hostage of what happened the night before. And on Mondays you can become the hostage of what happened the weekend before.
So Monday I walk into work, I go back stage and it smells just awful. Then to add insult to injury, the bathroom has a huge “OUT OF ORDER” sign on it. So I’m like “What’s going on?” and Jerry is like “One of the girls stopped up the toilet.” I know, right? GROSS!
Honestly, I don’t understand. It’s not like the plumbing in this place is state of the art. Everybody knows that the back stage bathroom is for #1’s only. ONLY! What are these girls thinking? I mean, WHY would you even want to? First of all, its poorly ventalated, so if you did "sit on the thrown", everyone would know what you were doing in like 2 seconds. And B.) If you are going to "make chocolate" at work, everyone knows that is what the Starbucks across the street is for! EVERY-BODY!
Who "drops their kids off at the pool" at work anyway? Not me. I go once a week. And if I go more than once, I start popping Imodium like they are tick tacks. One time I went three times in a week. THREE TIMES. I was so close to seeing a doctor. I thought something was wrong.
The biggest reason that the backstage toilet is a NO DOOZE ZONE is because Jerry is a cheap skate. If one of the bathrooms on the floor went out, he’d get a plumber A.S.A.P. But whenever something goes wrong back stage, he waits to get one of our regulars to come in and fix it for a little hands on time with one of the girls. Our regular “regular” Derrick is fighting with his wife right now and may not be able to sneak out of the house to fix it until Thursday. THURSDAY! (Oooh hope Derrick’s wife doesn’t have internet access. Sorry if she does D!)
So like now I’m mad. I want blood. I want names. But get this, NO ONE will fess up. Someone took a “morning constitutional” so massive it bursts the pipes and no one will have the stones to admit it?!? Well the only girls working over the weekend were Candi, Tyffani, Krysti, Dayzie, Danni, Bethani and Judith. (That’s right bitches; I just called you potential poop monsters out!) I know it’s not Judith, cause she spends too much time on the floor (if you know what I mean). She just bought her second IPhone.
And no one admitting it REALLY bothers me. You need to be able to be honest with the people you spend a majority of your day topless around. Just as true in the work place as it is in a relationship. Hell they could even get a perverse pleasure in taking credit for that. Last time I passed something that big, I named it Amber. HAHA! (Just kidding Ambi-pants. Momma loves you.)
So it’s time for me to take charge. To make sure this never happens again, I took my “Sparkle Candy Apple Red” nail polish and painted on the wall a huge reminder “DON’T SHIT WHERE YOU STRIP!” If these girls understand one thing it’s that.
Maybe now someone will think twice before they "drop a load" where they shouldn’t.
Sorry… Just needed to vent!
Stay Sexy!
xxxLex
P.S. The John Adams Mini-Series is off the hook!
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